The First Argument of Our Marriage

Floyd is an easy going guy. We have known each other since we were 5 or 6 years of age. I had NEVER seen him angry at me or anyone else. He might have gotten a little agitated with someone, but nothing more than that was witnessed by me. Floyd had such a wonderful character that my Mom and Dad would take his side before they had even heard my side of the story.

Shar is the girl watching her Grandfather escort her Aunt in the marriage to Floyd’s Uncle.

We lived on the West Side of Detroit in a four family flat. My Mother and Father owned the building and rented us the upstairs flat across from theirs. Two other families were renting the two flats downstairs.

Floyd (right) and his best friend in our neighborhood in Detroit.

About two months into our marriage, early one morning, Floyd and I were having an argument and I said something in a domineering tone. Floyd stopped in his tracks and looked me square in the eyes and said,

“You don’t talk to me that way! I’m your husband!”

His tone and seriousness shocked me. I started to cry. I mean boo-hoo-hoo, wailing crying. I am a bit dramatic, so I ran out of our flat and into my Mom and Dad’s apartment which was across the hall. Read more

Posted on April 8, 2013 by Shar in Family Life, Marriage, Mistakes, uncategorized 12 Comments

When I Walked Off The Stage, They Were Still Yelling For More!!

Wayne State: WSU is located on 203 acres in the heart of Midtown Detroit.

In April of 1990, I started working at Wayne State University (WSU) in Detroit, Michigan. I was the Director of a parenting project that conducted parenting classes in eight public health centers. I knew very little about parenting (I had no children, but I did have a set of parents). So I hired parenting experts and I took care of the planning, budgets and managing staff.

Diana Gamerman

While at WSU, I became fast friends with a cartographer (map maker) whose real passion was art. Diana Gamerman painted and built sculptures from found objects. She was a white non-practicing Catholic and was married to a white non-practicing Jew. Floyd, my husband, and I were black non-practicing Protestants. During her spare time, Diana was a contest junkie. She was ALWAYS entering contests and frequently winning things like trips to events, dinners and small appliances.

Example of Diana’s Found Object Artwork

During this phase of my life, I traveled quite a bit and accumulated frequent flyer points. Whenever I invited Diana to travel with me, she jumped at the chance to visit the art museums in other cities and just for us to spend time together because the trips always turned out to be an adventure.

One Spring, I was invited to make a presentation to a group of parenting professionals in Lexington Kentucky. I invited Diana to go with me. Floyd felt he could better spend his time working and making money than going with me to listen to a day of speeches or spend the day in the hotel waiting for me to return from the conference. Read more

Posted on April 4, 2013 by Shar in uncategorized 8 Comments

That Was Funny!

One year, Floyd and I were homeschooling our cousin’s very smart and alert four year old son, T.J, in preschool lessons during the time our children were in the fifth grade. We had many days when Floyd and I would have to leave the room and just burst out laughing.

When T.J. first started coming to our home, Floyd would keep calling him Joel, our son’s name. Floyd was constantly calling T.J. the wrong name. One day, T.J. said, “What’s the matter Mr. Floyd? You forgot to take your medicine?”

Floyd had to smile and scratch his head!!

That was FUNNY!!

Another day, T.J. And I were in the house alone. The rest of the family were doing some yard work. Floyd’s helper, Vic, had one of his arms amputated just below the elbow. Vic was strong and a hard worker. He could do as much work as two men with four arms between them.

The doorbell rang and T.J. ran to the open door before me. As I was coming, I yelled, “T.J., who is it?”

“MISS SHAR, IT’S THAT MAN THAT GOT HIS ARM CUT OFF WHEN THE TRAIN RAN OVER HIM ON THE RAILROAD TRACKS!”

The one-armed man from the television series “The Fugitive”.

That was true, embarrassing and FUNNY!!

I have also observed that kids do not have a monopoly on saying the “darnest things”. I’ll share a very infamous incident.

Now, some things come out of our mouths because we are under stress. Sometimes the stress is predictable, you see it coming, but you can’t do a thing to stop it. That is what happened to my Mom.

My sister, Laurie, who lives in California, often sent her daughter, Annette, to spend a week or two with my Mom in Detroit. At the time, I was living in the same four family flat. In New York City, it would be called a brownstone building. Floyd and I lived in the two flats upstairs and Mom lived in the two flats downstairs. We had both knocked out the adjoining wall of the two 6-room flats on each floor and then we each had a large 12-room flat.

Annette and Grandma, Zelina.

Now, Annette was about 4 or 5 years old. She was fine during the day. She played and was in good spirits. But, as soon as Laurie called each night, Annette went into a crying fit to be with her mother. My Mom would have to console Annette for at least 30 minutes to get her to calm down.

One particular night, my Mom had reached her limit. Mom couldn’t take it anymore, her last nerve was shot, disintegrated, plum-gone.

That evening, Annette started crying and crying and crying. The conversation went something like,

“I want my Mommy! I want my Mommy!! I want ta see my Mommy!!!”

“Girl, you better be quiet. You’ll see your Mommy in two days. My Momma is dead, I’ll never see her again!”

That was honest, but shocking! At that point, I took Annette upstairs with me.

Auntie Shar and Annette

That scenario didn’t get to be FUNNY until Annette was grown!

Shar

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Benjamin Franklin