The First Argument of Our Marriage

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Floyd is an easy going guy. We have known each other since we were 5 or 6 years of age. I had NEVER seen him angry at me or anyone else. He might have gotten a little agitated with someone, but nothing more than that was witnessed by me. Floyd had such a wonderful character that my Mom and Dad would take his side before they had even heard my side of the story.

Shar is the girl watching her Grandfather escort her Aunt in the marriage to Floyd's Uncle.

Shar is the girl watching her Grandfather escort her Aunt in the marriage to Floyd’s Uncle.

We lived on the West Side of Detroit in a four family flat. My Mother and Father owned the building and rented us the upstairs flat across from theirs. Two other families were renting the two flats downstairs.

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Floyd (right) and his best friend in our neighborhood in Detroit.

About two months into our marriage, early one morning, Floyd and I were having an argument and I said something in a domineering tone. Floyd stopped in his tracks and looked me square in the eyes and said,

“You don’t talk to me that way! I’m your husband!”

His tone and seriousness shocked me. I started to cry. I mean boo-hoo-hoo, wailing crying. I am a bit dramatic, so I ran out of our flat and into my Mom and Dad’s apartment which was across the hall.

James and Zelia Counts 008

Dad and Mom in 1977 in Hawaii.

(That was a dumb and immature thing to do. I’m saying it here so you won’t have to hold that thought while reading this story and wonder if I ever learned never to do that again.)

Mom and Dad were still in bed.

Boo-hoo-hoo. Oh, oh. (Sniff, sniff.)”

Mom, “What’s wrong with you?”

Floyd and I had a fight.”

Dad, “Did he hit you?!”

No.”

Dad, “OK. Wait a minute ’til I go to the bathroom.”

(Sniff, sniff) “Boo-hoo. OK.”

Dad returned. “Now what happened?”

Boo-hoo. (Sniff. Sniff.) We had a fight.”

He didn’t hit you. That ain’t no fight!! Zelina, remember the time Howard’s wife, Rosie, and her sister Elly, chased him down the street with a 2×4? Now that was a fight!!”

(Sniff, sniff, sniff.) “You just don’t understand. Aah. Boo-hoo.”

Well, did he cuss at you?”

No.” (Sniff, sniff, sniff.)

Dad turns to Mom, “Now, I’ll tell you about a fight. Remember when Ronald had to run to the police station because Cora had a gun and was in the car looking for him? Now that was a fight!!”

But Dad, he raised his voice to me!”

Boy oh boy! Ronald had to really talk himself out of that one. That was some fight!”

Dad’s memory lane of fights continued.

My parents had paid no attention to my foolishness. I shuffled on out of there. (Sniff, sniff!!)

When I got back into our flat, Floyd was far more comforting than my Mom and Dad.

Shar and Floyd in the late 90's

Shar and Floyd in the late 90’s

After that life lesson, I learned to resolve issues between us in our home and not go running to my parents again.

Shar

 More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.  ~Doug Larson

 Instead of justifying our behavior, we need to discover how to properly react to disagreements no matter how intense they may be or who’s at fault. Each time you work out a disagreement in a healthy way, you’re better equipped to deal with the next one. Conflict handled properly can fine-tune a relationship: 

http://www.marriagemissions.com/quotes-on-communication-and-conflict/

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).

 

Posted on by Shar in Family Life, Marriage, Mistakes, uncategorized 12 Comments

About the author

Shar
Shar

Shar lives with her husband, Floyd, and two teen children in South Carolina. Shar loves to grow and preserve vegetables, herbs and fruits. Shar is a Torah keeper and believes in Yeshua (Jesus'Hebrew name). She has a B.A. in Psychology and a M.A. in Educational Research/Evaluation. Shar's work experiences include administration, report writing, teaching, and public speaking.

12 Responses to The First Argument of Our Marriage

  1. Winston

    xD Lol nice story

     
    • Shar
      Shar

      Thanks for visiting my site. I’m glad you liked the story.

       
  2. Kay

    Took me a while to figure out how to comment! I’m young but I really don’t keep to the technology trends. Thanks for sharing Sharron! I love this one 🙂

    -Kay

     
    • Shar
      Shar

      Thanks for the great customer service last week! I’m glad you liked the story!

       
  3. Linda

    I am sure your Dad knew you were a drama queen. He also probably felt sorry for Mark cause he knew you would be challenging to live with.

    My first argument with my husband also involved a “drama queen”, his mother. She started crying over something I said to her and this very much upset my husband. He had some very sharp words with me. Of course, I could not remember what I had said to her, but, even after 30 years, I still remember what he said to me and what he would do if I ever made his mother cry again! (Score one for the Mother in law, she knew him better and had out smarting me this time. She won this battle, but I was determined to win the war!)

     
    • Shar
      Shar

      Hey! This sounds like a great story. I’d like to hear about your strategies :).

       
  4. DIANE

    what a let down. thought you were going to tell a story about a fight. the intro made me think he might be violant. did he ever hit you? me and my first husband fought all the time. i was imature also marring at 19. he is deaf in the right ear to this day i hit him in the ear in a fight after he kicked me in the behind. the storise from your parents were real funny. i don’t remember my first fight.

     
    • Shar
      Shar

      Diane, Floyd’s not violent by nature, but I have aggravated him enough where he has pushed me, held me with a tight grip and slapped me. I knew then to back off. I didn’t want to escalate the situation. That was years ago. We’ve learned how resolve matters without touching each other, however, sometimes we do still yell. Now my previous husband, that was a case of physical abuse. I actually took him to court, but that’s another story.

       
  5. Gilda Jowers

    I guess, I must be old school. I got a kick out of the story but, I would have been like your parents, that’s not a fight, come on with the real story? He ran you out the house ? He picked you up with one hand? He told you to run and tell your moma? Give me something, I guess it is humorous stories from your point of view,your feelings were hurt, you thought you were in charge, he’s never talked to me this way before, I was waiting on a little action. Where did you find a gentle man?

     
    • Shar
      Shar

      LOL!! LOL!! I guess if there had been “any action” it wouldn’t have been a funny story. Thanks for your humorous comment.

       
  6. Carol

    This is how I see it…

    If a person uses a strong tone with you, there is still a problem underneath; it’s just a matter of severity. If a person hits you, then the severity has already escalated. So if you hear a strong tone, you should address that BEFORE it escalates. I disagree with your parents’ feeling that just because a person hasn’t taken physical action against you, that the problem is minimal and not worthy of investigating. On the contrary, that is precisely when you want to gently address this issue with your partner. There is a reason for everything. If you have a spouse who is rational, then when they use a strong tone, then it’s worth investigating.

    My husband and I rarely fight because we are both easy-going. However, I’ve found that when arguments arise and after we talk about the core issue, it is usually due to baggage left over from previous experience. There may be some things that our spouses are hyper sensitive to that make no sense to us but if you find out the reason WHY they feel as they do and talk about what brought that feeling on, then that helps you to understand him/her better. It also helps to change the way your previously offended spouse feels if the situation comes up again.

    A strong tone of voice is an excellent clue that something isn’t quite right in paradise and this is the time to address it with your spouse. Other people might diminish your problem or dismiss it all together, like your parents did. And this is why you keep it between you two because there IS a problem regardless of what your parents deem problem-worthy.

     
    • Shar
      Shar

      Your comment is thoughtful and full of insight. You are very right about dealing with issues while they are in the bud stage and not letting them fester. Thanks for taking the time to share.

       

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